Monday, November 10, 2003

Been in Oz for two weeks for the Rugby World cup.

Things I learnt whilst in Australia:

About Drinks:
All Australian beer is crap. In desperation I moved to drinking bottled beer, namely Corona. They seem to have a national shortage of limes, instead they insist in putting a slice of lemon in the neck of a Corona, making it taste like Carling-top Disgusting!!. My worst drink serving experience came when I ordered Macallan (Scotch Malt), and it came in a glass full of ice.. I'm surprised they didn't see fit to mix it with Coke.

Bombay Sapphire gin is far superior to any other make. Insist on it when you order a G&T (even though they may charge a few pence more).

A couple of extra spicy Bloody Marys can replace an entire meal.

About being paranoid about your appearance/behaviour:
Going to a publishing cocktail party featuring D-list Ozzie celebs makes one paranoid about one's posture.

Going to a packed gay bar makes one paranoid about one's campness.

About Juke boxes in Gay bars:
S Club doesn't go down as well as expected. Choose Danni Minogue if you are after a crowd pleaser.

New words / terms added to my vocabulary:
'Australian'. This is in reference to our observation about the (un)attractiveness of Sydney women. One can use the term 'She's definitely Australian' to point out an ugly munter, conversely 'She's definitely not Australian' can be used to bring attention to a fox (by the end of the holiday the standards had been set so low that this term would be suitable for anyone without major deformity).

'Fatty's Leg'. As in 'I'm/it's/she's Fatty's Leg'. This is from quote from Twin Town where Fatty's Leg is described as being 'F@cking F@cked'. So 'I'm feeling a bit Fatty's Leg this morning' means 'I'm f@cked'.

About Cards:
How to play (four card?) Cribbage

Things I've never done before:
Played to 1000 points in Chinese Poker

Books I read:
Vernon God Little , DBC Pierre - worth a read, didn't take me long. Looses it at the end of the book.

The Art of Travel, Alain De Botton

Koba the Dread, Martin Amis - engrossing, appalling, and taught me not to fall into the trap of Lenin admiration 'cos he wasn't like the other guy'.

Books I started reading, but gave up on because they were crap or unreadable or annoying:
Dead Air, Iain Banks - crap, Banks should stick to writing about Scotland and not London.

Dude, Where's My Country, Michael Moore - I officially hate this guy now, I may agree with his basic politics but the guy is an annoying, arrogant, American twat.

The Search For The Dice Man, Luke Rhinehart - crap, got about half way throught it. I enjoyed the original dice man book.

Loaded (magazine) - Expected it to be like FHM, but it was nothing but Sex and naked women being interviewed with the same banal questions (have you ever been with another woman? Where is the strangest place you've had sex? What is your famous footballer boyfriend like? Would you ever consider having sex with someone who is working class?. Gets a bit monotonous after a while (the first 2 pages).

Books I bought, but didn't get around to starting/finishing:
Baudolino, Umberto Eco

Spanish phrasebook - Incase I go to Panama next week. As usual with a modern phrase book I went straight to the section on chatting people up and having sex with them. Amazing that they suggest you can get that intimate enough with someone you have absolutely no communication channel with, where you need to consult a phrase book for the phrase 'I can't get it up, sorry', or 'Don't worry, I'll do it myself'. Even better would be needing to use the phrase 'We'll work it out', in the 'relationship problems' section. No, I don't think you will. If you can't understand a thing you are saying to one another. Most of us would struggle to say the right thing here when we have the same first language!

Things I resolved to do:
Buy and wear a poppy for next year's Rememberance Sunday/day.

Never find myself 37,000 feet above Turkmenistan while Wales are kicking off for an important game of rugby.

People I saw
David Campese, in a shop

Graham Henry (and entourage, including most positions in a female netball team), in the pub

Some pictures from Oz. Excuse the adverts.. and I assume I'll run out of bandwidth soon.

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